I’m Sorry For Everything I Have Done

Ithis is me. Now I’d say this without mincing words. I do not deserve you. I cannot imagine you’d understand. Do you imagine you did not give me happiness? Do you imagine I do not enjoy you? This is a mighty sacrifice that I’ve devoted myself into giving no matter how brutally difficult it is. With everyday that passes, I yearn to be with you — albeit virtually, but it still felt like we had our own time together in person. This has to end. I don’t imagine a future where I bring you so much hurt with my inability to meet up to your expectations. Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine that I led you on maybe just a little bit too much, I see the way you look at me but I’m just a speck in a mighty heap of nonsense. I have fallen deeply for you that I now sit everyday concocting stupid dreams in my head. Night and day. and It pains me that I led you on for this lengthy period of time and now I’m slammed with the reality that there’s absolutely nothing I can do to deserve or keep you. I am broke. And jobless. Without any income streaming in whatsoever from wherever. Whenever I get money it’s very unusual. Like —there’s no steady flow of income. God! Imagine me using the word steady as if there’s ever any. I cannot have you or go in a relationship. I can not even maintain this healthy friendship/courting thingy we’re doing. How do you think I’d be able to afford the littlest things like fancy dinners and small gifts that you do deserve? I don’t want to kid myself that you would not say: “oh this is ridiculous, who’s asking you to do all these.” But the painfully obvious truth is: at some point, definitely, you’d realize my folly and uselessness. You’d begin to question yourself, wondering if you’re different from all the others getting nice evening dates and small presents. And I would not put you through that emotional burden. I’ve got a heap of burden on me that I’ve realized this is the right thing to do, free you from my shackles and allow you be the person or be with the person you deserve. Someday things would be right —I painfully hope so, and maybe, just maybe, we can do this again. You deserve peace, happiness, joy